DDT “GUYZ PART 1” Results

assholezpart1

DDT “GUYZ PART 1”, 09/02/2014
Shin-kiba 1st RING
183 Fans – No Vacancy

1. Solidly Single Match: Ryuichi Sekine defeated Daichi Kazato with the Combine (8:16).
2. White Doe & Aoki Wolves – 3 Way Embarrassment Match: Misaki Ohata defeated Antonio Honda and Seiya Morohashi when Ohata made Morohashi say “I’m embarrassed!” (8:05).
3. AssholeZ Hardcore Match: Shuji Ishikawa defeated Kankuro Hoshino with the Splash Mountain onto a chair (12:01).
4. Talk To The Fist – Boxing Match: Gota Ihashi Vs Kengo Mashimo ended in a No Contest (4R).
5. Clash At Last! Sudden Realisation Of The Forbiddon: Keizo Matsuda defeated Danshoku Dino with a Tombstone Piledriver (9:36).
6. Value Of Man Is Not A Plane! BOYZ Vs GUYZ: Sanshiro Takagi, Toru Owashi & Shigehiro Irie defeated HARASHIMA, Makoto Oishi & Tetsuya Endo when Irie pinned Oishi with the Flying Sausage (17:29).

Turns out I was using a non-vulgar translation of the show name and this show was indeed vulgar. AssholeZ it is, then.

Tomomitsu Matsunaga and Amon Tsurumi were originally supposed to host the show but they were mysteriously absent. Taking their place were guest MCs Brother Tommy and Brother Mon. They explained this was a show for bastards, by bastards. They wanted to encouarage everyone wrestling to unleash their inner bastard just for today.

The main event saw Team AssholeZ facing Team BOYZ with the latter being uncomfortable with the surroundings. Makoto Oishi complained about a stinking smell coming from the audience. He also called his opponents ugly, fat and old. Shigehiro Irie was very upset at being called old. He got his revenge by pinning Oishi with the Flying Sausage.

Keizo Matsuda discovered his Danshoku side during his victory over Danshoku Dino. While at first overpowered by his opponent, Matsuda pulled down his tights to reveal he was wearing ]Danshoku tights underneath. He then used his newly found Danshoku ability to Lip Lock Dino and then pin him with the Tombstone. After the match Matsuda got his hands on some fans in the front row. He and Dino then did a Danshoku version of the Steiner Brothers pose on the stage. Brother Mon called it the birth of the Japanese Steiner Brothers.

The boxing match between Gota Ihashi and Kengo Mashimo was set for 45 one minute rounds with Yuzuki Aikawa providing some bouncy eye candy as the round girl. Aikawa however appeared in her regular everyday clothing because she had other things to do today. Ihashi and Mashimo had a slugfest but everybody noticed that everytime a round ended, Aikawa would remove a piece of clothing before holding the next round card. So Yukinori Matsui did everything he could to make sure the match continued even though Ihashi and Mashimo were beating the tar out of each other. At the end of the third round Aikawa promised to reveal her swimsuit if the fight made it to Round 5. Mashimo knocked out Ihashi in the 4th Round but Matsui counted as slowly as he could. Mashimo got sick of the stalling and said he was going home. With Mashimo leaving and Ihashi still unconcious, Brother Mon had no other choice but to call off the match. The arena broke out into chaos until Aikawa decided to strip down to her Stars & Stripes swimsuit much to the excitement of every man in the building.

Both Shuji Ishikawa and Kankuro Hoshino wrestled their hardcore match wearing fundoshi instead of their usual gear.

The Embarrassment Match involved Antonio Honda, Seiya Morohashi and Misaki Ohata trying to humiliate each other to win. The first person to make another wrestler yell “I’m embarrassed!” would be crowned the winner. At first they all tried to strip each other but soon Honda brought in a whip. Ohata got rid of Honda and whipped Morohashi’s bare backside enough to make him say he was embarrassed. Brother Tommy said afterwards that it was a terrible match.

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